Dating is not what it used to be. With the blossoming of social media, dating has taken a strange turn. Dating lost its mystique. Before, you would meet a girl, ask her out, and not know anything about her until you met her on Saturday night with a bouquet of flowers. However, now, before you meet, each of you google each other's names, find every social media platform the other is on and know more about them then they would prefer to reveal before you even meet again. That is, if you've even met before. Many people ask each other on dates through social media and their only knowledge of the other person is what's perceived through the internet. 

If you're single and in the dating world, you want to make the best of every date. As gentlemen, we should treat every date special and respect everyone we meet. Here are some tips for the new millennium of dating. 

Keep It Face to Face

Yes it's extraordinarily easy to poke your crush on Facebook or like her photo on Instagram. It's even easier to send them a message asking them out. You think to yourself, "easy, I don't have to deal with the rejection if they say no, they can just not respond." Although that sounds good in theory. Consider that it's a cowardly move. Women don't want to be asked out in such an informal way. If you really like a girl and you would like to take her out, find her, look her in the eye, and ask her out. Courage can go a long way. 

More so, don't have long interactions through the internet of via text. If you like someone, you should be able to spend a lot of time together. Keep your interactions limited other than face to face time. This allows both of you to grasp a better idea of who the person is without the cloak of technology. If the person you like insists on interacting more through the internet than face to face, consider liking another person. Usually, this means they're not very interesting people anyway. 

Keep Mystique

The best way to keep mystique is to not play games via the internet. If you have social media profiles, set them to private and try to keep information limited. Make your date want to see you in the flesh. Don't let them have the luxury of knowing everything about you before they even talk to you. Keep an air of mystery. 

When you are together, you don't have to tell your date your entire life story. If you really like someone and they like you, you'll have a long time to get to know each other. Stay reserved, answer any questions, but mainly try and keep light conversation moving that reveals only bits of each other's life to the other. 

The First Date Like the Tenth

Although I'm sure it scores you a lot of points if you take your date to a fancy dinner in a limo ride with champagne. But if that's going to empty your wallet for the next two weeks, it's not worth the trip. It feels great to have spectacular nights, but they should be saved for more special occasions. When first dating someone, you need to be yourself. The best way of doing that is to treat your first few dates as you would treat a date with a girlfriend 3 months in the future. If your favorite place to eat is a small taco shop, then take your date to the taco shop. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but you need to show that person who you are. You shouldn't have to impress them by throwing money away. If you're meant to be with them, they'll love that taco shop. Then a year down the line, you can celebrate your relationship with a limo ride. First, just appreciate each other. 

Keep Friends Away

Although it is important that your date can get along with your friends, it's much more important that they get along with you. Try to keep your friends out of the first few dates. Often it feels less intimidating for a date if there are a few friends along, hers or yours, but ultimately, it distracts you from getting to know each other. Even though someone can see exactly how the other acts in a more social situation, inside jokes, references to unknown people, and general conversation can get lost on the person not in the group of friends. There's a time and place for dates with friends, but not until you really know you like someone. 

Take It Slow

In such a fast-paced world, many of us want all satisfaction immediately. But the best things in life take time. This is especially important for dating. You cannot expect to fall in love after one date. Although you may think you really like someone and want to take things fast, it's always better to go slow. Our minds can fool us, especially men's minds. Love is often confused with lust and this is a dangerous game when playing with a woman's heart. For your sake and hers, wait to ask her to stay the night, don't call her the minute after the first date, and take your time getting to know her. You might find that after three dates you really can't stand a person. If you jumped too quickly into things, you might be breaking a heart that could have gone untouched. 

If you follow these tips, you'll find yourself more satisfied with your dates and the people you're seeing. Try them out and tell us what you think!

Every man needs a separation from his work, family, and loving spouse to have, what I call, Guy Time. Guy Time can be alone, with a good friend, or even in a big group. However, there are some specific rules if you want to have a truly pleasurable guy time experience. Let's go over a few.   

GUYS ONLY
If you didn't understand from the name of the game, Guy Time is meant for men to hang with other men and to appreciate their time together. Keep women, girlfriends, Moms, and daughters out of it. Of course there's other times to appreciate the opposite sex, men need some time to enjoy with other men. This allows us to be in a full comfort zone. This is time for men to let their bellies out, gases released, and talk about things they really want to talk about. Mainly: cars and sports.  

 
GUY TIME ACTIVITIES
Although activities can be wide-ranging, it's best to keep this time to something that doesn't distract from hanging with you and your other guy friends. Bumping shoulder to shoulder with the opposite sex at a bar is much too hard for any single man to give his attention to his guy friends. Save those places for when your intent is to meet girls. A quiet, dive bar with only a few regulars is a great alternative if you want to grab a drink. Put some quarters in the pool table and enjoy a few rounds of billiards. Bars aren't the only place to have Guy Time though. Guy Time Activities should include the following:

Booze
Comfortable Chairs
A Bathroom Nearby

That's it really. Put that in with anything you like and you have a great Guy Time activity. Here are some activities that are great for guy time:

-Fishing
-Playing Catch at the Park
-Hike in the Woods
-Watching a Football Game
-Eating Tacos
-Getting Coffee
-Going to the Arcade
-Buying Records
-Walking Through a Farmer's Market
-Eating Pizza
-Drinking at a Bar
-Walking
-A Music Show

GUY TIME TALK
You might be thinking, with such designated rules, you must need to be getting something out of this time; you should be talking about emotions and real issues that are locked deep inside your heart. Well, you're wrong. Guy Time talk can be about anything you like. It doesn't even have to be about anything at all. You can spend an entire afternoon fishing at a dock with three friends and not say a word. That's successful Guy Time. Most of all, Guy Time is a meditative time to clear your head and enjoy the company of other men. Most men don't need a long conversation to have a good day. It's just good to have a little company.

Five Essentials is Owen & Fred's way of communicating the best ways to guide your day. By considering these 5 Steps, Ideas, Instructions, or Questions, you should hopefully have a better view on your surroundings. The purpose is to not tell you how to live but to suggest things you might forget or help shine a light on something you never thought of. 

Today's Five Essentials are five questions you should ask yourself everyday. Of course, there are thousands of questions you can ask yourself, but we found these five to be a great start to keeping your life on a steady track. Of course, all are up for interpretation and available to be reworded for your own understanding. We suggest asking yourself these questions when you wake up as a start to your day, ask again in the late afternoon, and then again at night. 

1. Did You Sleep Well?

Enough people don't ask themselves this question every morning. We think it is essential to the ability of every individual. No one will always have a good night sleep every night of their life. But this first question is one to keep in your mind to help not only think about the way you're sleeping but how you're conducting the rest of your day. If you answer "No," to this question, it should lead to several other questions, first and foremost, "Why Not?" It can be as easy as you're working too hard. Or, on the flip side, you're not working hard enough and not burning any energy. Either way, every man requires a good night of sleep. If you're not sleeping well, we suggest finding out why and changing the answer to "Yes" as often as possible.

I specifically like to ask this question again later in the day. Often, in the morning, it's too hard to decipher how you slept. You're barely awake in the first place. But after a day of hard work you might realize you're more tired than usual and remember you couldn't get comfortable last night.  Adjusting your sleep setting, (temperature, mattress, pajamas,) before bed are good ways to understand what works for you. 

2. How Often Do You Fear Death?

Now this one can be interpreted in a few different ways, so let me explain. This question is trying to help you see the better before the worst. A way to reword this to not sound so morbid would be, "How often are you focused on the inevitable before the interchangeable?" or, "How often are you focused on pessimism rather than optimism?" This question should push you to focus not on the worst of the world but what's good and what will help you throughout the day. If you answer, "I fear death a lot, 10 times a day," then ask yourself why and tell yourself there's much more to think about, productive positive things. Unfortunately, we are all going to die, so live it up while we're still here. Take a vacation and fly a kite. 

3. What's The Last Compliment You Gave Someone?

Now that you've thought about yourself for a second and considered that not everything in the world is as bad as you think it is, look outside of your personal life and think of the people around you. The best way to cheer yourself up is by making another smile. Ask yourself everyday if you've complimented anyone recently. Not only should you have a quick answer to a compliment, you should be overloaded with people you were nice to, good things you did, and the good energy you received because of it. Hold yourself accountable for your interactions with others. Walking around with your head down is not a way to live. Let people know you see them and appreciate them. A compliment goes a very long way. 

4. How Will You Challenge Yourself Today?

Part of being human is our ability to step out of our realm of comfort anytime we want and, more likely than not, be accepted into another. If this be a personal challenge (write a poem, draw a picture, learn how to fix the light switch) or a social challenge (talk to the pretty barista, join a yoga class) you can easily do these things without spending more than a few minutes to an hour on it. Unfortunately, most people want to stay inside their little bubble of comfort. Wake up, work, eat, drink, sleep, do it again. The only way you can develop as a human is by challenging yourself and discovering new things you never knew you could do. It's quite exhilarating. You should try to challenge yourself everyday.

5. What Can You Do To Improve?

While Question 4 is in regards to the present day, I like to think of this question as the one looking further into the future.You should look in the mirror and ask yourself if you're in the best shape, if not, what can happen to make that better. Look at personal goals you've made, how many have you completed in the last week? How many are you even close to? Ask yourself if you've read every book you've ever wanted to read. I doubt you have. Life is a constant struggle to not get caught up in mediocrity. Set goals that last a week, month, and year. Work at completing those goals and ask yourself what can help you along your path. 

Find classes, art openings, library discussions, free workshops, whatever you need to strengthen yourself everyday to becoming the best you can be. Before long, you'll realize it's not about being the perfect human, but to be a continually evolving best representation of yourself. 

Men are solution-based creatures. What I mean by this is: they have a strong urge to understand a problem and define a solution. If their car is making a strange sound, they'll determine where it's coming from, and how to fix it. This is how we work out 99% of our problems. Unfortunately, this can have a negative impact on a relationship. As surprising as this may sound to some men: women are not cars. Our need to find a solution with a problem our spouse is having might not be the best avenue. Often, a woman doesn't need us to provide our opinion on what's wrong or how to fix it, they just need us to listen. This is almost the opposite of every instinct and habit a man takes a part in. He wants to fix things, he wants to help, get his hands dirty, and make sure everything is okay. Women, please understand, we don't have bad intentions when we try to help, it's just our nature.

So, to help the large amount of men completely baffled by why their girlfriend or wife is upset at them for trying to help, here are some guidelines to communicating and listening to your spouse when they are having trouble with an issue to create an effective and rational conversation. 

1. Start with the Setting 
No constructive conversation starts with you staring into a television or computer while your spouse tries to express how she's feeling. Sit down, cut distractions, and make eye contact. Showing that you're interested, ready to listen, and available is much more helpful to a situation then you'll ever know. 

2. Listen and Show It
Often times, a woman doesn't need an equal conversation, they need to vent and for you to listen. Men are reclusive, we don't enjoy talking about our feelings and what's going on inside our heads. Newsflash to women, there's not that much going on in there anyway, we're simple creatures. When we have something to say, we say it. No need to investigate. 

Women, however, need to vent to help understand what they're feeling. Often, it's not about letting you know what's happening inside their heads, it's about organizing it. I imagine the man's mind is like a chalkboard, everything we're feeling is written on the chalkboard. When we have a new thought, we erase the first thought and write the next one. If we want to elaborate, we make some notes underneath the big thought. We don't communicate the issues because we don't know the issue until we write it all out on the chalkboard. Once we do, we can clearly see what's happening. It's a game of time. Women's minds are much more like a drawer filled with papers, notes, napkins with thoughts scribbled on them and so forth. Communicating then is the woman taking each piece of paper out and reading it, setting it aside and organizing the drawer to better understand what all those pieces of paper mean. 

It is the man's job to listen to this organizing, help encourage more investigation into that drawer, and to wait patiently as each thought is dissected. 

3. Stop Offering Solutions, Start Asking Questions
To continue with the drawer metaphor: organizing the pieces of paper is a process that results in a solution. For a man to offer a solution halfway through the organization is counter-productive because it stops from finding the solution. How can you offer a solution to a problem that's only partially described? 

Rather than trying to fix the problem, ask questions. Questions lead to the solution because they force as many pieces of paper from the drawer to be taken out and read. Asking questions also shows that you're listening. Although the questions can be very general, (How does this make you feel, why do you think this/that happened) you should also ask questions that relate directly to whatever situation the conversation entails. 

4. Reassure Her
No matter what, you will always love your spouse and will always be there for her. A woman needs to hear this much more than you really think she does. Let her know this, show affection and reassure her that no matter how she feels or what she says, you will be there for her. If a woman feels insecure, she will hide her feelings.  Rather than organizing the drawer, it's like shoving more and more paper into it and ultimately making it harder to organize the real issue. Don't let this happen, make sure your spouse feels secure enough to communicate what she's feeling with you. Let her know you're there for her and always respect her for the beautiful creature she is. 

             

Owen & Fred's main focuses for finding new vendors are always quality, craftsmanship, and American-made. Leather Head Sports hit each of those qualities right where they count. Maker of the Handsome Dan Leather Head Football and the Lemon Ball, we're happy to welcome Leather Head as our latest player in a long roster of all-star vendors. 

There's no denying America's obsession with major league sports. Die-hard fans surround our every move. But what happens when the fan isn't committed to the game but the equipment used? That's where Paul Cunningham and his team of craftsman step in to make top quality leather footballs, lemon balls, and medicine balls. "I have a significant sports pedigree, but my interest in sports is as a player, not as a fan." Cunningham said in a recent interview. That's exactly the type of equipment Leather Head intends to make, one for the player. Made from two of the finest leather manufactures in America, Howreen Leather in Chicago and Tasman Group in Hartland, Maine, the focus is to make durable equipment that can be used for decades without the worry of serious wear and tear. The lemon ball, a slightly smaller version of the modern baseball with a single leather panel shaped like a four point star sewn at four seams, are meant to be roughed up.  "Because of the superior materials used in Lemon Ball baseballs, they can take a beating. They are designed to be played with and they are designed to last."

As for the Handsome Dan leather football, "I feel that its' best quality is its' size. I designed it to be smaller than an official football, so it fits the hand of the average person. I always found an official size football to be huge and uncomfortable to play with. I corrected this problem by designing a ball for my average size hands." Cunningham confessed. At Owen & Fred we understand that the majority of us aren't still hoping to be signed to the major leagues and want something a little more comfortable to play with than an official ball. The Handsome Dan is perfect for the Sunday afternoon pickup game with friends or an early evening game of catch with your son. And with its strong leather and hand-stitched excellence, you know this ball will be around for a long time. 

It's not hard to wonder why Owen & Fred has taken a fancy to General Knot & Co and their dedication to quality. After reading a little about the company, it will definitely make sense to you too. "With the world’s finest craftsmen right here in the U.S.A., there was never a question of where General Knot & Co.’s products would be manufactured," their site reads. Two men dedicated to making some of the best ties, bow ties, and pocket squares from repurposed vintage fabrics in the heart of New England. Really, what's not to like?

After meeting on a train to New York City, two men which a passion for color, textiles, and sharp dressers found a calling with a new group of men who still want to look good. As we say, business casual is a sad state of affairs. General Knot & Co couldn't agree more. Andrew Payne of General Knot expresses the same feeling, "…years ago, men were thrilled to have the option of going casual- and may have taken it too far.  As we see now, men are looking for ways to separate themselves from the pack and look well put together and professional." That's where General Knot & Co steps in.  

"Neckwear is an easy addition to jeans and a jacket that immediately lifts the look to the next level. Guys can just as easily head to the office or out to dinner." And with their collection of vintage repurposed fabrics, they are creating limited edition ties made from the finest tailors in America. You won't find any clip-ons or Santa Claus prints here, these are ties for men who love style, color, and looking good. But finding the best fabrics to use isn't easy, General Knot & Co. works hard to find them "Anywhere and Everywhere," Andrew continues to explain, "I’ve been lucky to have made many good friends who collect and source fabrics from across the country and are happy to share their great finds. I too travel all over, going to antique shows, visiting vendors and old factories with deadstock fabrics saved through the years. The process always yields special pieces that have stayed just below the radar."

As Owen & Fred understands the importance of a quality tie, we wanted our own to offer our loyal customers. General Knot & Co. couldn't agree more, "As a designer focused on American-made production, we feel very fortunate to  be working with people of like mind. And Owen & Fred’s aesthetic and sensibility falls perfectly in line with ours." Together were able to create The Owen & Fred Tie.

The Own & Fred Tie is made from a vintage navy, white, and red fabric that General Knot & Co personally sourced for us. The back is a Japanese Indigo Chambray that adds an interesting contrast to the front's 'presidential' look. We wanted our tie to symbolize one thing: power. As any tie should, its versatile pattern can mix just as well inside a conference room as it can on a classy dinner date. As all of General Knot & Co's ties are limited to the amount of fabric found, these won't last forever. As for General Knot & Co itself, Owen & Fred presumes they'll be around for a long, long time. And for General Knot's thoughts, "We are looking forward to bringing our two teams together again in the future." We couldn't agree more.

Along with men's accessoriness for the wardrobe, travel, home, and beyond, Owen & Fred has a strong dedication to supplying it's customers with the best grooming products a man could want. It's no question why we chose Imperial Barbers to help supply us with the best hair and shave products available. 

Unlike competitors which focus on fragrance and aesthetics to sell their products, Imperial had two ideas in mind, first they wanted a product "Made to Work." Secondly, they wanted it to be a safe product that wasn't going to ultimately ruin your head of hair. Bryan Fisher, co-creator of Imperial Barbers put it simply, "We all grew up using petroleum and wax based pomades. But they will literally make your hair fall out.  By the time you're 50 or so you have huge problems.  It doesn't wash out, it's a mess. It's harmful to the body and hair." It made sense for Imperial to try something different. For two years they focused on making a water-based pomade that was, again, "Made to Work."  Through extensive use at the barber and with real customer's hair, the Imperial boys finally figured out the perfect recipe for a water-based pomade that lasted with top strength. 

After the water-based pomade was completed, the company focused on several other pomades made of fiber, gel, and matte paste meant for differing hair styles with varying hold strengths. Again, barber tested, customer approved, the company focused on products made to work. They kept the fragrance as minimal as possible and the packaging is clear and concise because they know the men looking for their products want it for how it works, not how it looks. 

Along with hair products, Imperial has added a pre-shave oil, a shaving soap, and an after-shave to their line. Bryan Fisher told us, "the Pre-shave oil is a combo of ten oils: sunflower seed, eucalyptus, macadamia, really clean ingredients. We stuck to all natural," and that's exactly what we like to hear. Their shave soap is just as good for the face as the beard while the after-shave is a low fragrant refreshing splash perfect to help heal inflamed skin. 

We love these products. They're exactly what a man should look for, products Made to Work by men who know the business. We're excited for the future of Imperial Barbers as I'm sure they have a few new tricks up their sleeve. 

If we strive to be the highest, most honorable form of man we must acknowledge and appreciate our counterpart: woman. As inhabitants of the 21st Century there is no room for sexism. It is a barbarian and insulting act to, not only women but, the entire human race. I hope anyone that has read through our Guide to Gentlemanhood articles have noticed that many of the issues we address are not entirely man-specific. Even our Guide to Women advice columns can just as easily be titled Guide to Men, for women. That is because the basic core values of true gentlemanhood are often the same values any human should abide to, be it man or woman. I hope this short guide to abandoning sexism can not only hold true for men but for women as well. 

Sexism is simply defined as any discriminatory act against the opposite sex based on conditions or attitudes that foster stereotypes of social roles.  How can we avoid this and how to we make sure we are not subconsciously doing it?  Here are some ways to keep yourself in check:

Stop Stereotyping:

The worst cause of sexism, or any kind of discriminatory hate, is stereotyping. It is a thought adopted to a specific type of individuals lumping the sum of that group to partake in whatever action is described. Often these stereotypes are completely unrealistic with no grounds for basis. Unfortunately, many stereotypes are socially accepted and promoted through marketing, entertainment, and generational influence. A main reason stereotypes can form are from demographically skewed statistics. A recent example are advertisements for yogurt which are predominately marketed toward women. Does this mean all women love yogurt? Do men not like yogurt? The answer to both is no. However, through strategic marketing, you can see why people might begin to believe this. 

Whatever you may see on TV or through advertisements is always an exaggerated interpretation of the real world. Stop believing what you see, question everything, and often ask yourself if stereotypes occur. If someone you're talking to makes a blatant stereotype of any person, don't allow them to continue without telling them what they believe is a stereotype. There's no need to argue the issue more than observing the person's mistake. 

Stop Objectifying:

When you watch a cologne commercial where a man sprays himself and immediately women flock to him, you are watching a form of objectification. That is because the advertisement is using the woman as an object to sell a product. The advertisers are not only stereotyping women they are trying to convince you that if you use their product you can get any woman you want. In reality, it's just not true. A true gentlemen should be disgusted by this sort of marketing and angered by the audacity of the advertisers to think you would fall for such a trick. As well that any person should be seen as just an object of your desire. Men or women will never flock to another for their smell. True interest between a gentleman and a gentlewoman comes from the meeting of minds, attraction through honor and respect. Any man or woman who thinks the opposite sex is theirs for the taking and used only for what they see fit should not earn the respect of another.

Abandon Gender Roles:

Men and Woman both need to stop assuming the other gender's role in a relationship or in society. Similar to stereotyping, gender roles were simple ideas that many believed were the proper positions of men and women in the world. In the 1950s, it was very common for a woman to stay at home, clean, and cook dinner for her husband who worked a 9 to 5, came home, read the paper, and paid the bills. This type of idea is obsolete in a world where both men and women are equal. We have made strides in the last 60 years to allow an individual the right to create their own roles. We are no longer in an age where anything is required of another person until you agree to it with them. A relationship should first and foremost help support your significant other with their dreams and desires. At no point should one demand requirements from the other. Abolish gender roles for the progress of our society. 

Treat Everyone as Equal:

The best way to live an honest life absent of hate and discrimination is by treating every person exactly how you expect to be treated no matter their attitude. Often we fall into the habits of the ones that surround us. If a friend talks very sarcastically all the time, we tend to adopt that same personality. It goes the same for someone who is hateful or sexist around us. It is hard not to fall into the same habit to feel accepted and comfortable. However, one must do the exact opposite and lead. Make the other person reflect your personality which is respectful toward all people. If they cannot adapt, and continue on a destructive path, it is better to leave them alone than continue to be tarnished by their influence. 

When you treat everyone as you would expect to be treated you are providing a guideline to your expectations. If you are a kind and observant person, more people, who can offer the same to you, will want to continue a lasting relationship. Hopefully these steps can help you lose your assumptions of the other sex and can help you become a better gentleman by treating every person as bright-minded individuals.